Performance anxiety

Sophia · 12 Jan

twocats just get out and play in front of people more

Truth be told, that's basically it. There is a reason why theatre companies have dress rehearsals where they try to emulate the real thing as closely as possible. We're all dogs But that's not helpful, I know.

I don't have any helpful tips to cope with the different environment (lights, other piano etc), and I know you said the people don't bother you all that much. But here's hopefully a helpful tip for people who do fear the crowds: humanize your audience. Don't just think of them as a sea of faceless monsters waiting to laugh maniacally at every one of your mistakes, but think of them as your friends, people who are rooting for you to do well. If you can, look at individuals (not too long, that'll get the person uncomfortable), but just briefly look them straight in the eyes (people love interaction and to get acknowledged) and then imagine a brief detail about them. Such as:

That man is twitching his nose, probably because he is trying not to sneeze while the person before me is playing, that's so considerate of him! (then you can give him a playful wink) Or that woman looks a bit sleepy, I wonder if she has insomnia like me/my spouse/my friend. (you might even be able to provide a friendly smile) Or even oh boy, that dress makes her look like a blimp! (try not to giggle).

People visit recitals to have a good time, literally no one is there to hope for a mistake to happen... and if (when) that happens anyway, they all feel bad for you. And if you manage to laugh/smile/shake it off, they'll be relieved with you - because if it didn't bother you, it won't bother them. Being uptight rubs off, and it makes people feel uncomfortable. But the good news is that feeling relaxed rubs off too, so if you can pull that off, you're looking at a sea of tranquility. That's why most entertainers learn to mask their mistakes with a quick joke at their own expense

twocats · 12 Jan

Josephine Anxiety makes me feel rushed, and when I force myself to slow down and focus on my senses, what do I see, hear, feel, smell, I get more relaxed.

This sounds like meditation! My husband keeps saying that it would be good for me.

Sam I wish I could say it gets better with exposure, but that is not my experience, and I have done hundreds of performances now

Thank you for all of your comments. Ahhhhh I don't like to read this part though! I am hoping that it does in fact get a little better with experience. At the beginning when I started my journal and recording myself, even the act of pushing the record button on my iPad would make me feel like someone was watching and I would get nervous. But I no longer feel that way.

Animisha So, exposure may not help you with performance anxiety, but, you will probably get used to playing on different pianos, and that is one less issue affecting your playing in public.

pianocat This is exactly why I joined a piano meetup group. It is so hard to play in front of others on an unfamiliar piano. Even a small group of very supportive fellow piano learners.

Yes!

ShiroKuro some of this may not be relevant for you, but maybe there are some helpful ideas here.

This is very helpful and I have read some of it before from your posts but didn't remember about it. The exercise and adrenaline part is super interesting to me! In this case it's such a low-key, non-judgemental environment (casual meetup type thing, not a recital) that I think the audience aspect doesn't make me nervous. I feel like it doesn't matter if I bomb it (like I did, and it didn't matter). But there will be times when I need to perform and I care and want to play well.

Unfortunately this particular group has a limit of about 5 minutes (unless you have a longer piece) so I can't usually play two pieces. I did notice that every time the theme repeated it got better!

Stub If you tell yourself not to think about pink elephants, of course all you can do is think about pink elephants. So suggesting that you not think about walking onto a big stage is not very helpful.

The funny thing is, it was at someone's home and not even a big stage! But I've been thinking about doing an amateur competition in a few years and it would be on an enormous stage. And I realized that even if I can play perfectly at home, I need to get out more and be able to perform. Plus, I'd have to dress up and my shoes would be different! Women are often expected to wear high heels but I think I'd better find a comfy (but wide) pair of ballet flats. Yesterday I was wearing clunky boots which definitely weren't great with my page turning pedal.

Sophia I know you said the people don't bother you all that much

It depends on the situation! If I feel like the outcome doesn't matter, then I can let go of the nerves. But if it's an actual performance I do get nerves. I think SK's advice to exercise for 20 minutes is a very good one!

SSgisela · 12 Jan

twocats I’m curious — do you have different performance anxiety when you play chamber music, or do you feel things the same way? One of the people in my piano group plays a lot of chamber music and she says that chamber music is a great way to help reduce this anxiety somewhat because the attention isn’t all on you. But I’m skeptical! I feel that if I were playing chamber music, I’d just have the additional worry of messing it up for others, instead of just for myself.

twocats · 12 Jan

Sgisela I’m curious — do you have different performance anxiety when you play chamber music, or do you feel things the same way?

I do also get anxiety in chamber music performance! This summer I missed an entrance, and then the violinist missed an entrance, and we were so good during the rehearsal. But it was the piano I'd been playing on all week, so that part wasn't an issue.

ShiroKuro · 12 Jan

twocats I am hoping that it does in fact get a little better with experience.

In my experience, it does get better. It doesn’t go away or become a non-issue, but it absolutely gets better. And crucially, for me, I have been successful at implementing those techniques and getting to the point where I can do better and enjoy it more.

But just like other aspects of technique, it has to be maintained. At least for me anyway.

Kaydia · 12 Jan

Sophia That man is twitching his nose, probably because he is trying not to sneeze while the person before me is playing, that's so considerate of him! (then you can give him a playful wink)

Not directed at your suggestion, Sophia, but when I read this an image popped into my head. I'm picturing being that man, waiting for my turn to perform, and seeing someone wink at me.

Sophia · 12 Jan

Hahaha! Yeah suppose he really HAD to sneeze and then figures oh drat... caught with my pants down - perhaps a vivid imagination is not always helpful

Edit: I am suddenly reminded of the time when we went to a live classical guitar performance. At some point the guitarist suddenly stopped playing, declared "oh <insert dirty word> I lost a nail", then he sauntered off the stage to fetch his bag and calmly glued it back on, right in front of us. Then without another word resumed the piece in front of a bored audience. There IS such a thing as being too relaxed.

Rranjit · 12 Jan

Sophia Truth be told, that's basically it.

If you're good at visualization, keep trying to visualize you're in front of an audience when practicing. I've also thought of practicing performing with a "cough track" playing, or with pencil sounds on paper (this really gets on my nerves when my teacher writes while I'm playing and I can hear it constantly, like how the pencil starts to sound as soon as you mess up something tiny...)

ShiroKuro · 13 Jan

ranjit If you're good at visualization, keep trying to visualize you're in front of an audience when practicing.

I always felt that if I could regularly and repeatedly experience playing through the shakes, I would learn to not be bothered by it a lot more quickly. But I have never been able to recreate the true "shakes" during practicing or in any non-performance situation. Still, I agree, visualizing is really helpful. I also try to remember the shakes and what they feel like so I won't be surprised when they occur.

I've also thought of practicing performing with a "cough track" playing, or with pencil sounds on paper (this really gets on my nerves when my teacher writes while I'm playing and I can hear it constantly, like how the pencil starts to sound as soon as you mess up something tiny...)

I can totally related! I am pretty sure my hearing sensitivity jumps up when I'm practicing, and the littlest noise is amplified in my brain!

Ppseudonym58 · 13 Jan

Not the piano, but at age 23, when I first worked as a professional (principal) cellist in an opera, I was extremely nervous when I had to play a solo. Things didn't necessarily go well, and at those times I felt I didn't deserve the job. Over the years, the situation gradually improved to the point where, when I had to play the extremely difficult solo in the opera Tosca (almost nothing is happening, the stage is dark and static, no singing, and there is just a low murmuring of strings underneath - in other words, completely exposed), I managed without difficulty.
It was a long and sometimes uneven road to that point, though.
I remember speaking with another principal cellist (of the symphony orchestra in the same city), and he said that musicians who never have never had to play those kinds of solos really have no idea what it feels like, and that there is no substitute for just putting yourself in that position, well prepared, and hope for the best.
I think there's a lot of similarity between that and performing a solo on the piano with the exception that at least as a solo performer, no one else in the ensemble/company is relying on you!
So that's something positive.

Rranjit · 13 Jan

ShiroKuro But I have never been able to recreate the true "shakes" during practicing or in any non-performance situation.

My heart starts pounding loud enough that it scares me sometimes. I haven't been able to replicate that. I have heard of one suggestion to run a few miles and then sit down at the piano and perform to try to mimic that feeling.

JJane · 13 Jan

twocats I don't think think it was nerves from the crowd, just being in a totally different setting.

Yes!

Last summer at the Tonebase piano camp, I tried playing a couple of pieces in the recital. It was the first time I'd played for more than 3 people in 60+ years.

I had one rather egregious memory slip, out of which I eventually extracted myself. But the whole situation reminded me so much of what Josef Hofmann had to say about the reliability of memory.
https://www.beachbunnysoftware.com/music/JosefHofmann-DifferentPlaces.pdf

ShiroKuro · 13 Jan

ranjit I have heard of one suggestion to run a few miles and then sit down at the piano and perform to try to mimic that feeling.

Hmmm maybe I’ll try that. We have a treadmill. And an exercise bike…

twocats · 13 Jan

Jane But the whole situation reminded me so much of what Josef Hofmann had to say about the reliability of memory.

Someone suggested to me that I have my husband try to annoy me and distract me! While I don't think that would go well for our relationship, I think maybe I should shake things up, like play a loud and irritating TV show at the same time or something. It's interesting that Hofmann said that we memorize our surroundings, too. (We are in fact just like dogs!)

ranjit I've also thought of practicing performing with a "cough track" playing, or with pencil sounds on paper

It sounds like a variety of distractions could be beneficial!

pseudonym58 there is no substitute for just putting yourself in that position, well prepared, and hope for the best.
I think there's a lot of similarity between that and performing a solo on the piano with the exception that at least as a solo performer, no one else in the ensemble/company is relying on you!
So that's something positive.

It's good that you finally did find it easier! It must be terrifying to be paid to play and to be so stressed.

Every time someone asks if I'm a pro I laugh and say thankfully not, because the stress would probably kill me! In chamber music I don't want to let my ensemble down but we're all just amateurs. In the worst case if I bomb a solo piano thing the only impact is to my ego

Animisha · 13 Jan

I have actually practised with the radio on, but I could too easily ignore its chattering...

ranjit I have heard of one suggestion to run a few miles and then sit down at the piano and perform to try to mimic that feeling.

It is interesting, because you'll play with a pounding heart. However, what if you mess up badly in that situation? Would it make matters worse?

Josephine · 13 Jan

twocats This sounds like meditation! My husband keeps saying that it would be good for me.

Oh, I always said I can't meditate, but maybe I'm doing it already?

twocats · 13 Jan

Josephine Oh, I always said I can't meditate, but maybe I'm doing it already?

It at least sounds like a form of meditation, especially if it eases your anxiety! I do think you're doing it already

ShiroKuro · 13 Jan

Animisha It is interesting, because you'll play with a pounding heart. However, what if you mess up badly in that situation? Would it make matters worse?

I don’t think so. The idea is to experience playing despite the physical reactions.

In my experience, when I’ve had a performance that hasn’t gone well due to nerves and shaking hands, and then had another performance soon after, the second one always goes better. This happened to me last November, when I played in the (mostly kids) recital held by my piano school, and then two weeks later I played at the concert at the retirement center.

These two performances where the first time I’d played in a truly public recital since before the pandemic. And even though I’ve played publicly a lot, I somehow don’t retain the feeling of shaky hands very long, so the first recital, I just couldn’t get control of my shaky hands. For the second one, I think I was just less surprised by the feeling.

So back to your question, @Animisha , I would think that the thing to do would be to do the “pounding heart” practice more than once, not in the same practice session, but a few times over the course of a week. Then if it goes badly the first time, you have a few more chances with it.

Animisha · 13 Jan

ShiroKuro I have a cold, but the moment it is over and I am crossing away on my cross trainer again, I'll play the piano immediately after.

Ppianoloverus · 14 Jan

twocats Today I went to a super casual playing event at someone's home, and on the drive over I imagined myself walking up onto a big stage and I got pretty bad anxiety just from the imagery! And then when I played my piece (not a difficult one) I was so thrown off by the bright lights and the unfamiliar piano that I played a whole bunch of wrong notes. I don't think think it was nerves from the crowd, just being in a totally different setting.

I remember playing at my grandmother's 108th birthday party at the assisted living facility where she lived. I found the very loud air conditioning extremely distracting. Then at one of the most difficult passages I had practiced endlessly, more than the rest of that piece combined, one of the residents yelled "How was the meatloaf tonight Sam?"