Performance anxiety

Once I rented a room in a house that had a piano. The owner had told me that I could play the piano when she was out. Happily, I sat down and started to play. I couldn't play anymore! The piano sounded so strange, the lights were different, and my playing was riddled with mistakes, even though nobody heard me.
So, exposure may not help you with performance anxiety, but, you will probably get used to playing on different pianos, and that is one less issue affecting your playing in public.

@twocats congratulations on doing it!

After I write this response, I realized that it was quite long, so here’s the tl;dr version:

1. Anticipate “strange piano setting” nerves
2. Adjust to the piano itself
3. Play two pieces (if possible)
4. Accept the nerves, don’t try to prevent them but just learn to live with them
5. Understand what the fight or flight response is, what adrenaline is
6. Use exercise to take the edge off of the adrenaline
7. Let go of the desire to “not be nervous”

If these ideas interest you, read on!

I have been working on performance nerves off and on for years, so maybe I can share some of what I’ve learned.

Anticipate “strange piano setting” nerves
First, you do get better at quickly adjusting to the jolt of “strange piano setting.” Even just articulating what throws you off can help. The bench is different, even if you adjusted it, it may not be the right height. Also things in your line of sight may be off. Before we moved (well, before the pandemic actually) I used to go to a regular piano at the home of some friends. They always had a table lamp directly on the music desk of their grand piano, at the far right side. I hated that, but after the first time (which really threw me), I knew it would be there and it bothered me less. Another big thing is what’s in your peripheral vision. We are used to our home piano space, so we no longer notice the furniture, artwork on the wall etc. But in a new space, all that visual noise becomes mental noise that’s distracting. Knowing that this happens can help, and you can also think about it while practicing, in advance of the performance.

So in addition to @Sam ’s advice about sitting down and taking a minute to get settled in with the bench, pedals and sheet music, I also recommend looking around a bit and mentally making a note of what’s in your line of sight, so that while you’re playing, you’re less distracted by it.

Adjust to the piano itself
Another thing is the piano itself. If possible, playing it before you actually perform is good. I like to play a scale across a few octaves, play some chords, use the damper pedal, feel the action, listen for any buzzes or creaks so I know they’re there.

**Play two pieces **
But sometimes pre-playing is not an option. Partly in light of that, my personal preference when performing is to always play at least two pieces, with an easier one first. That does two things. First, obviously, it gives me a chance to get used to the piano, how it sounds and feels. But the other thing, the reason it helps me so much, is it really helps to relieve the pressure, that “you got one shot to get it right” pressure. Knowing I have two pieces actually makes both pieces go better, for me anyway.

**Accept the nerves **
Another thing I have learned is that I’m just not going to play at 100% of my ability, so I have to be ok with that. I practice “playing through,” and I have a few goals for the performance, like “don’t stop, play through mistakes and don’t re-play.” I assume that I’m going to have some nerves, and probably shaky hands, and I choose to accept that rather than try to stop it. So I don’t think “how can I not be nervous, how can I prevent my hands from shaking?” Instead, I think, “how can I do my best, and enjoy myself, despite being nervous, despite having shaky hands?” I assume that I’m going to have that jolt of nerves, and when it comes, my goal is just to accept it and ignore it. And no matter what, I want to start and finish with a smile.

Understand what “fight or flight” is
Now, having said that, recognizing that I’m going to get nervous and the goal in the moment is just to accept that, I do various things to try to mitigate the nerves. If you, @twocats , truly were just thrown by the strange environment and didn’t have actual performance nerves, this might not be relevant for you, but if you did have performance nerves, understanding the fight or flight response a little can also help. Well, actually, even if the only thing that threw you was the environment and the people there didn’t contribute to your nerves, knowing more about the flight or flight responses might still be relevant.

The fight or flight response is all about adrenaline, so once the fight or flight response kicks on, it’s as much a physical thing as a mental thing. Once it’s triggered, deep breaths and that kind of thing can help calm it down, but it can be very hard to do that while also playing. For me, understanding that was really helpful, it let me forgive myself, if that makes sense. A surge of adrenaline in your body creates a physical reality, whether it’s shaky hands, shallow breathing, sweaty palms, cold arms, feeling of your mind going blank, whatever. All of those things are a response to the adrenaline surge, which is an age-old biological tool that the body keeps on reserve for when it’s being chased by a deadly wild animal.

It also helps to remember that adrenaline is a hormone and a professional pianist once explained to me that hormones ebb and flow over the course of a day, and they are a depletable resource, which relates to performing in two ways. 1) during the performance, when people say they get less nervous as the performance goes on, that’s partly because the adrenaline surges and then slowly drains away. In other words, this is different from calming yourself down. Understanding that helped me because it means that even if I don’t do anything to actively try to calm myself down, I will get calmer as the minutes tick by just because the adrenaline will drain away as my body realizes it’s not actually being chased by a bear. (This is also another reason for playing more than one piece.)

Use exercise to take the edge off
2) The other way it relates to performing is that if you can do something to deplete some of that adrenaline before the performance, you can blunt it, take the edge off of it. So the other piece of advice I got from that pianist was to try to exercise on the day of the performance, do something, maybe for 20 minutes, something aerobic that gets your heart rate up and your breathing up. She said this actually depletes some of your body’s ability to mobilize the fight or flight response (just for that day, it will be back the next day), and this is probably the reason behind the experience that people sometimes have of performing better when they were a little tired. My goal is always to get a little out of breath mid-morning or mid-afternoon on the day of a performance, that seems to be the key for me. When I’ve done that, I feel a little less acutely nervous, and it seems like my hands don’t shake as badly.

So, @twocats some of this may not be relevant for you, but maybe there are some helpful ideas here. I really enjoy playing for others, and with others, so I have worked on these details over the years, and I can tell you that it has made a huge difference for me.

Let go of the desire to “not be nervous”
Lastly, I’ll repeat what to me is the most important point: when you feel nervous, the single best thing to do is just forgive yourself and focus on the music. Let go of the desire to “not be nervous” and accept that begin nervous is part of it.

twocats just get out and play in front of people more

Truth be told, that's basically it. There is a reason why theatre companies have dress rehearsals where they try to emulate the real thing as closely as possible. We're all dogs But that's not helpful, I know.

I don't have any helpful tips to cope with the different environment (lights, other piano etc), and I know you said the people don't bother you all that much. But here's hopefully a helpful tip for people who do fear the crowds: humanize your audience. Don't just think of them as a sea of faceless monsters waiting to laugh maniacally at every one of your mistakes, but think of them as your friends, people who are rooting for you to do well. If you can, look at individuals (not too long, that'll get the person uncomfortable), but just briefly look them straight in the eyes (people love interaction and to get acknowledged) and then imagine a brief detail about them. Such as:

That man is twitching his nose, probably because he is trying not to sneeze while the person before me is playing, that's so considerate of him! (then you can give him a playful wink) Or that woman looks a bit sleepy, I wonder if she has insomnia like me/my spouse/my friend. (you might even be able to provide a friendly smile) Or even oh boy, that dress makes her look like a blimp! (try not to giggle).

People visit recitals to have a good time, literally no one is there to hope for a mistake to happen... and if (when) that happens anyway, they all feel bad for you. And if you manage to laugh/smile/shake it off, they'll be relieved with you - because if it didn't bother you, it won't bother them. Being uptight rubs off, and it makes people feel uncomfortable. But the good news is that feeling relaxed rubs off too, so if you can pull that off, you're looking at a sea of tranquility. That's why most entertainers learn to mask their mistakes with a quick joke at their own expense

Hahaha! Yeah suppose he really HAD to sneeze and then figures oh drat... caught with my pants down - perhaps a vivid imagination is not always helpful

Edit: I am suddenly reminded of the time when we went to a live classical guitar performance. At some point the guitarist suddenly stopped playing, declared "oh <insert dirty word> I lost a nail", then he sauntered off the stage to fetch his bag and calmly glued it back on, right in front of us. Then without another word resumed the piece in front of a bored audience. There IS such a thing as being too relaxed.

ShiroKuro But I have never been able to recreate the true "shakes" during practicing or in any non-performance situation.

My heart starts pounding loud enough that it scares me sometimes. I haven't been able to replicate that. I have heard of one suggestion to run a few miles and then sit down at the piano and perform to try to mimic that feeling.