I also struggle with this and never call myself a pianist— internally, this label feels like something that makes sense for people who are much more skilled and learned than I am. I ‘play a little,’ I ‘take lessons,’ and I ‘have a very nice piano.’ But when I send around Christmas piano video greetings, people seem rather surprised/impressed by my playing.
One of my frames of reference is professional pianists, and so from that perspective, ‘I play a little’ seems correct. But another frame of reference I have is Jane Austen and Victorian novels, and my perception of expectations for an ‘accomplished young lady’ from this time. From that perspective, I feel like my efforts are more Elizabeth Bennett-like than Georgiana Darcy-like. But in today’s world, I suspect Elizabeth Bennett would not have played past age 10, and Georgiana Darcy would have gone to a conservatory. It feels that in today’s world, there’s not very much space for amateur musicians. Professionals play at extremely high levels, probably at higher levels than ever. And very few people learn to play at all, whereas in prior eras, casual music making was much more common.