Today playing went better. I played the only piece that stays in my memory for some reason no matter how long I don't play it. La valse d'Amélie. I played it completely, played some parts that didn't go well very slowly, then played the whole piece again. Then I played the 1,5 pages Chopin from memory. I wanted to get the sheetmusic to try to learn more but I said, no, not going to try. Then I picked the Edvard Grieg lyric pieces book and relearned the first phrase of Arietta. That went well and then I thought, hey I can relearn it completely and record it and blabla and then I immediately felt resistance to play. So I thought, no. No recording, it's forbidden, and I don't have to finish the piece. Then I learned another phrase.
When I think about it it's the same with restoring that Thürmer piano. The thoughts about that I want to show the result makes me stop restoring it. I think because it's hard for me to finish projects anyway I really want to show that this time I did finish something. So I must finish it, and there's the pressure. And I think I want to hear from others, oh that's so good that you did that. And that makes it difficult to enjoy the project/journey itself. So my ego is in the way.😆