ANNOUNCEMENT: PianoTell's First Rule

Good rule...

And I will be quick to add, if I've at all, ever, offended anyone, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I do suffer from depression sometimes and can occasionally say things that aren't so nice. My depression can sometimes lead to a reduced "filter".

I really do appreciate the calm and friendly spirit that happens here and only want the best for all. It's a diverse group with many very different tastes and talents.

Group hug!

Bellyman I hear that. I'm generally pretty friendly, but I know I got a little snippy over at PW once or twice ... I'll keep a close eye on that, and feel free to point it out if you see me doing it!

I think things got bad on PW because some long-standing members were allowed to be disrespectful of others and then it just continued over the years and now it would be very difficult for the mods to suddenly ban them. This being said, I'm really talking about a very small number of people, less than five IMO, but that's enough to make a forum less friendly because many people react to those provocations (guilty as charged here!). So it's good to watch for the early signs here in order to nip the problem in the bud.

rsl12 Don't routinely make other people's experiences worse.

Thanks for making that rule! I think this right here (routinely) is the key word We all have our bad days, nothing wrong with that. So far this forum has been awesome though, and I'm willing (hoping) to do my part to keep it that way

Rubens Yeah. As this forum grows, there will inevitably be some people like that here too. I'm going to try my best 1) not to engage with those people and 2) not become one of those people ...

Sophia Yes indeed.

To clarify, I absolutely hope people disagree with me about things and offer constructive criticisms of my playing. I just hope we can do it in a friendly and respectful way.

TC3 To clarify, I absolutely hope people disagree with me about things and offer constructive criticisms of my playing. I just hope we can do it in a friendly and respectful way.

Indeed.

There is a guy I've seen on a few of the forums. Great guy! Seriously, I'm thinking he's a very nice person, not just on the forums but in real life, someone I'd probably be friends with in real life if he lived close by. He plays mostly contemporary gospel piano and sometimes puts up a video or two. What keeps me from commenting sometimes is that contemporary gospel style music is like fingernails on a chalkboard to my ears and I find myself nearly physically writhing when I'm forced to listen to it. But I would not ever want to blast that guy because of my problem. He's a nice guy and absolutely does not deserve my criticism. So... in a case like that, I sorta feel like I gotta stay in my lane and let other traffic flow freely in their lane. Sometimes easier to do than other times but kinda necessary for me. When I do venture out, I gotta be really careful. "When you live in a glass house, you don't throw rocks."

Somehow I had completely missed this wonderful first rule. Also, even though it is now stickied, it does not appear at the top of my discussions.

I've wanted to write here ever since certain incidents the beginning of this year. One or two threads seem to have died and some participants may have vanished from what I see. I wonder if we might fine-tune things with some sensitivity fitting what this site is about.

In this forum there are learners who at an adult age have taken on a new instrument. Or maybe they were poorly taught, had a bad experience or "failed" as children, and are giving it a fresh go years or decades later. It is a vulnerable position taking courage, dedication, and hours for years of work, stumbling, falling, and trying again. It's normal for children, but is questioned when adults do it. There are also advanced pianists, musicians, who are where they are because of years of training and work that they invested to be where they are. We need to respect and be sensitive to all this for our fellow members.

For those of us who are learners, the path is not always clear, nor is there necessarily a path. Trying this or that requires a leap of faith and then dedicated work again over days, weeks, months which may give results, or may be a fool's errand, with all the self-doubt we all tend to harbour. Again, it's a vulnerable position, and takes courage and trust to share. This is supposed to be a safe place.

Awareness of this means that people investing their time and effort in this and that, should not be labeled, even by words that are not rude - nor should their endeavours be labeled. One might say "In my opinion, what you're doing won't work, and here's why." - this can have a response, or be food for thought. Labels don't do that. They also divide people into camps, which we don't want. Any investment of time and effort is also a vulnerability.

At the other side of the spectrum are those who may be highly trained and knowledgeable. What they know and do can also be labeled as old fashioned, antiquated, narrow minded. The things they know or do may be labeled.

I don't think the rules and guidelines about insults, attacks and such cover this side because it's more subtle and maybe even done without ill intent. But I think there is harm, and may also push people into the shadows - because pursuing music is a difficult thing where we often feel we're not good enough, doing it well enough, and are we progressing at all.

(Something like that. It's hard to put into words.)

keystring It's hard to put into words

Keystring, I think you said it very eloquently!

The problem, I think, is that this is a forum and we give each other advice. And a lot of people, including me, are sensitive to how this advice is given. For instance, if one feels belittled by the advice, even when one sees that it was given with good intentions, it may still be difficult to stay friendly.